THE SPEED OF CHANGE
The Speed of Change
What it takes to modify the direction of your life: just digit sound call
2 days past I wrote an entry about my fears over the MRI construe I was due to have at the end of the month, and about what impact the possibleness results could have on my life. But how apace things crapper change! Yesterday, I had a sound call from the hospital and was told that they’re not going to construe me before my designation with my oncologist on 25th Apr after all. Instead I just have to move my CA125 murder test (the accelerator in your murder that is sometimes produced by ovarian cancer cells and therefore crapper be an indicator of ovarian cancer) a week before the designation to analyse that my levels are still within the nomal range, as they have been for the last 6 months. Then when I wager my oncologist I’ll find discover those results, and discuss continuation the construe with him. So it’s not exactly going to display the grand partitioning I was hoping for!
It’s every just a rank modify to what I thought was going to happen. Instead of going into the designation in 4 weeks time to find discover digit way or added whether these illusive spots on my viscus are cancer or not, I’m today just going to be to discussing it still further. I don’t mind that in some ways, I mean I understand that even if it is cancer then waiting 2 months to re-scan wouldn’t rattling be enough time for it exhibit much change, so continuation it so soon might not be very helpful in providing an answer. I just wish that I’d known that from the start because then I wouldn’t have spent the last 5 weeks bedevilment about it! I feel slightly more easygoing today I know I’m not going into the designation with my oncologist to potentially hear something awful, but at the aforementioned time I today have the individual of existence in this limbo status for even longer.
It is definitely digit of the most difficult aspects of existence ill, and digit of the hardest to try to describe, just waiting. The whole time you know what you’re facing, even if it’s something rattling hard like having to have chemotherapy, then you crapper focus on it and mentally educate yourself for it. When you don’t know what’s reaching though you are in a kind of no man’s land - I don’t want to adopt it’s going to be the poorest housing senario because if it isn’t then I’ve stressed myself discover and wasted 2 months bedevilment over nothing. However, if I conceive it’s every going to be fine I could be environment myself up to fall even harder if it turns discover not to be. So instead I have to try and walk the fine line between the two: accepting that it could be intense programme but not allowing myself to be so preoccupied with the idea that I stop living my life right in the meantime. To be having to spend 2 months in this limbo was intense enough, but today it seems it’s going to go on even longer.
So, with just digit sound call what I have been trying to educate myself for over the last 5 weeks has been completely turned on its head. It seems there are no answers up aweigh for me after all, just a lot more waiting.
Em
Tags: cancer therapy, mentality cancer, wound cancer, living with cancer, lung cancer